My Messy, Beautiful Testimony
There I was…in my parent’s bedroom for family prayer.
Little four-year-old me was looking at her father while he talked about Jesus and receiving the gift of salvation.
I was about to turn five within the next week or so, and the Lord led my father to introduce me to Jesus as my Savior.
My father had me pray the Sinner’s Prayer to receive Jesus into my heart.
That was a new beginning for me.
I don’t remember having a complete understanding of who Jesus was or what He did for me, but I do remember that day as the day that I accepted Jesus into my heart.
The next day my pastor came over to our house, and my mom told me to tell him that I got saved. I told him and he responded positively.
After that came a tenderness to God and His Word.
I wanted to know about God.
I wanted to write about God.
I wanted to be with God.
I wanted to do all these things for God.
I wanted to speak for Him.
I wanted to sing for Him.
I wanted to be a missionary and go to China for Him.
I remember I would write Christian story ideas that could encourage other young people to live for God.
I even wrote a little bit of my own version of Pilgrim’s Progress, where my pastor was the character Christian. (That just speaks to how my pastor let his light shine and that even an eight-year-old could recognize that).
Christian school was all I knew up until high school. Bible class was a regular and chapel service happened often.
But as I got older, I noticed that everyone didn’t seem to have the same passion and interest in God as I did.
Some seemingly wanted to do their own thing.
Some didn’t seem to care for God.
But even in the midst of that, somehow, God still preserved my desire to love Him.
People came, and people went, but Jesus was always there.
However, in my childhood and part of my young adult life, I had a secret…I struggled with lust. A part of it was innocent because I didn’t know what it was, and the other part was a sickening feeling that I knew something was wrong about it.
But I went along with it anyway.
My mom even caught me a few times, but I went along with it anyway.
I was addicted.
So here you have a girl who wants God but then is dragged down by secret sin. I always thought that I would be stuck with this sin and that I would have to keep it a secret for the rest of my life. I remember being in church and feeling like my pastor could read through me, but that wasn’t the case.
I loved God in feeling, but my actions said otherwise.
“For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.” 1 John 5:3 KJV
“If ye love me, keep my commandments.” John 14:15 KJV
It wasn't until I got older, that I knew specifically what I was diving into, and there came a point that I no longer wanted to do it.
I tried to shake it off…over and over and over again.
But it would come back. In my dreams. In my subconscious. I wanted it gone.
“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2 KJV
It was time to lay that sin aside.
2019 was a turning point in my life because I graduated from Princeton University and I was ready for a change.
I was motivated to live for God, but I still held onto some attitudes that weren’t pleasing to God (This honestly is another blog post).
I went to a church in Maryland that, at first, I thought was sound in doctrine, but as I went there, I slowly got embedded in the false doctrine to the point that my mom, dad, aunt, and pastor had to give me wise counsel to get out. After that, I was determined to only listen to the truth.
It was on April 16, 2020, that I wanted to rededicate my life to God. I was home from work due to the pandemic, and I wanted to have a specific date that I could remember when I rededicated my life to God. Honestly, I rededicated my life to God multiple times in the year or so before this date, but I wanted a date that I could remember.
Again, I found myself in my parent’s room, and this time, my mom led the prayer of rededication. I was brand new.
Did the enemy come back to fight me to get my flesh activated? Yes.
And I had to ask God to forgive me because, at that point, it was an addiction that only He could break in my life.
I wanted so badly to be clean from it and to be like Him.
Between April 16, 2020, and January 26, 2024, the Lord was purifying me. He was sanctifying me.
I no longer wanted to watch movies with profanity.
I no longer wanted to go after lust.
I no longer wanted what I had before my rededication to God.
And January 26, 2024, was the day that I got filled with the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues.
I am glad for what the Lord has done in my life.
My friend. If you are struggling with sin. If you are struggling with being the only one who is interested in God. If you are struggling with being the only Christian in your family, community, school etc. If you feel like you are the only one lifting up the blood-stained banner of holiness and righteousness. If you feel strong in the faith but want more of God. If you are trying to understand why God chose you… this is the blog for you.
God met me where I was, and He changed me.
I know He can do the same for you.
I often feel like my life was on a winding, messy road. I wish that I had gotten rid of lust a long time ago when I was younger so that I could live for Him and work for Him fully.
I wish that I didn’t get caught up in different people and things so that I could have served God fully at a younger age.
BUT, here’s the thing.
If that happened, I wouldn’t have this testimony.
I wouldn’t be able to help and encourage you.
My testimony is a blessing.
My testimony is a direct connection to Jesus’ victory.
The Bible says, “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.” Revelations 12:11 KJV
So there you go. I have the victory.
And without my testimony, there is no me.
And without God in my life, there is no victory.
My life happened the way it did, exactly how it needed to happen. God was orchestrating everything and drawing me back to Him.
The enemy tries to condemn me often, but I know that:
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” Romans 8:1 KJV
So now, I get to walk after the Spirit.
The Lord delivered me, and I know that He can deliver you, too.
You may feel like you messed up in your youth…that God doesn’t want you back… that you made too many mistakes… but, that is far from the truth.
Jesus loves you, and He cares about you. He wants you free. He wants you free from your sins, addictions, lusts, pains, soul ties…everything. Jesus died on the cross for your sins so that you could be set free from your sins, have a relationship with God, and make it into heaven one day.
In order to be saved from your sins and become a Christian, all you need to do is acknowledge that you are a sinner, and “... acknowledge and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord [recognizing His power, authority, and majesty as God], and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9 AMP
The Bible says, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” Romans 3:23 KJV. So, everyone has disobeyed God. Everyone has committed sin. Therefore, everyone is in need of redemption from their sins through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.
Now, if you don't know Jesus, I would like to introduce you to Him. If you want to accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, or if you want to rededicate your life to God, please repeat this prayer out loud:
“Lord Jesus, I am a sinner, and I am in need of your salvation. I repent of my sins, and I turn away from them. I am sorry for the wrong that I have done. Please save me and make me brand new. I am tired of living this life. I believe that you died on the cross for my sins and that God raised you up three days later. Thank you, Jesus, for coming back again. Please fill me with your Holy Spirit. By your grace and strength, I will live for You for the rest of my life, one day at a time. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”
If you accepted Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior today, I am so happy for you! Accepting Jesus into my life as my personal Lord and Savior was the best decision I ever made! Take a look at the tips below to stay in a growing, healthy relationship with God. These tips don’t save you, but they allow you to grow in your relationship with the Lord, and they will keep you focused on Him.
1. There is an awesome, free app called YouVersion, which allows you to read the Bible on your phone! A Bible in hard copy is great as well because technology can fail, but the print will not malfunction. When you read the Bible, you can learn more about Christianity and your new relationship with Christ. Here is another Bible online. https://www.biblegateway.com/
2. Find a Bible-believing church that encourages people to let the Holy Spirit guide them in life and live holy for Christ. It is important to spend time with Christians at church, where you can all worship God together. Here are a few suggestions and churches to follow for an example of what to look for in a church.
Full Gospel Monument of Faith Church, Newark NJ, USA: https://www.facebook.com/FGMoF
Full Gospel Holy Temple, Dallas TX, USA: https://www.youtube.com/@FullGospelBroadcast
3. When you pray, just have a conversation with God. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Tell Him about your day. Ask Him to forgive you of any sins you might have committed that day. Pray for others. He will listen, and He will work things out for you. And most importantly, He loves to spend time with His children.
4. Lastly, as Christians, Jesus wants us to fast so that we can grow closer to Him. This means you don’t eat for a meal or two or three, and you would ideally use that time to spend time with God. You will find that you will get stronger in your faith.
5. God wants us to be holy like Him. "Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy." 1 Peter 1:16 KJV As we live for God, the Holy Spirit will give us strength and grace to live a life that pleases God. We will reject wickedness and sin and embrace God's truth and righteousness. “Run away from youthful lusts—pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with those [believers] who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22 AMP
Continue to follow the podcast and blog for encouragement and testimonies that will help us all grow closer to God. Remember to be encouraged, stay encouraged, and always Soak in the Sonlight because Jesus is the Only Light. Love you all! Have a blessed week!
